How women, battling domestic violence and dowry, in Jammu and Kashmir are driven to suicide   

Firdous Hassan

Outside a desolated single-storied building of Jammu and Kashmir Commission for Women in Srinagar, 50-year-old Zareefa (name changed), clad in black burkha and half-torn slippers, is desperately waiting for her turn.

To kill her time, she dials a number of her relative who counsels her very often. After 3-4 attempts, she finally picks her call. The conversation begins with Zareefa’s shrilling voice, “Baaji ab main kya karun” (sister, what should I do now).

Visiting the women’s panel for the past six months, Zareefa has been suffering from trauma for three years. All she wants from the commission is reconciliation with her husband who had threatened her with a divorce letter in 2014.

This is her second marriage. Her first one too had ended in divorce after her family forced upon a separation because of differences between her husband and her brother. Disturbed deeply, she decided to marry again, with a man of her choice to get emotional support in her life.

After few years of love and peace, this relationship too ended with a divorce notice. “It was a shock for me. My husband used to thrash me regularly. I came to know later that he had told his family that I will be a maidservant to them after marriage,” she said adding that her family had objected to the marriage on grounds of his husband being from a lower caste.

Nine years after marriage, Zareefa is now caught between the rock and dead sea, fearing rejection from her brothers now. “Where will I go now? Everybody failed me. I am being treated like an animal who keeps on knocking doors of relatives,” she wailed. A victim of marital abuse, she is ready to accept divorce if her husband provides financial assistance.

Like Zareefa, the commission receives almost ten cases on an average daily from women who live in despair after being abandoned by the husband and family.

What drives women victims to suicide

Conflict-torn Jammu and Kashmir has witnessed a surge in crimes against women. Last year, over 3,000 cases including rape, murder, dowry deaths were recorded by police. This year so far about 600 such cases have been reported from Kashmir region alone. 

Domestic violence and the absence of avenues for women are forcing them to commit suicide. The family of Mudasir Aziz, an engineer from Illahibagh, is yet to recover from the shock of the loss of her daughter.

Family members say that after much opposition within her family, she was allowed to marry Javaid Ahmad Bangri in 2012. “Her death is a mystery as nobody knows what actually happened,” says Irfan Aziz Botta her brother while showing the pictures of her sister’s marriage. 

He says five years after her marriage, Mudasir’s suicide, which the family believe was a murder, left many questions unanswered before them. “She never said anything about the mistreatment meted by her husband. She would deceive us with her smile and happy face,” Botta said.

Support system for women victims missing

Women activist and former chairperson of the State Commission for Women, Nayeema Mehjoor, says that the state’s women have suffered rejection at social, economic and religious fronts. She believes the three decade-long conflict has turned women amongst the most vulnerable. 

“In a place like Kashmir, which is highly militarised zone and surrounded with killing and tortures by security forces, the women ultimately have to bear the brunt. She ceases to express her problems to her husband, who too is suffering at different levels. Nobody listens to her problems,” Nayeema said.

And then there is the issue of social stigma and lack of cooperation from families. “The women don’t come out to speak against injustice as the families are the first who mock, ridicule or even torture them. I have seen in many cases that a rape victim is asked by her family to remain silent as they believe it will hamper their marriage ahead,” Nayeema says.

She regrets that the state has no shelter homes or other counselling centers to empower and rehabilitate the women in distress.

“During my stint as women commission chief, I had no option other than to allow the women to live with her cruel husband or in laws due to the lack of these facilities,” Nayeema says. She believes that the society was going towards the worst phase by ignoring the plight of women. “A stage will come when she will collapse. We already saw that the depression was common ailment among women folk here now,” she concludes.

A report released by Medicines Sans Frontiers (MSF) in 2015 in collaboration with University of Kashmir and Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (IMHNS) claimed that women comprised  a major chunk among Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) patients in the Valley. 

Izabir Ali, founding member of Ahsaas, an organisation working primarily for the betterment of women in Jammu and Kashmir, says being the patriarchal society the state failed to ensure security to a woman a societal level.

“Most of the victim are not supported by the society but when they take extreme step like suicide the same people find it their moral duty to attend her funeral. May be if she was supported at the right time it would prevent her from committing suicide," she says.

Izabir suggests that mohalla committee participation and women centric NGOs to prevent their exploitation.

In 2015, the Union Ministry of Home Affairs had proposed the setting up of Investigative Units on Crimes against Women (IUCAW), in 20% of the districts of each state on a 50:50 cost sharing basis between the Centre and state governments. However, the Jammu and Kashmir government gave a cold shoulder to the recommendation by the Centre and failed to establish such units.

Besides this, there is a 181 helpline service at Jammu but not in Kashmir.

Note: The names of the victims have been protected considering the social pressures they face. 

Caption: Zareefa waiting for her turn to meet officials outside State Commission for Women at Srinagar

Caption: Former Women Commission chairperson Nayeema Mehjoor.

Photo credits for all photos: Firdous Hassan